Sunday, November 10, 2013

GET Grievance Generates Gossip

Much virtual ink has been spilled in recent weeks regarding using a GET as a weapon to keep a woman an Agunah.

There was a time when Agunah meant that the husband could not be found...lost in battle or the like.

Today, Agunah has come to mean a woman whom the husband has not given a GET, and remains chained and unable to remarry.

Whereas many claim that a GET should never be used as a bargaining chip, I can understand a scenario where it may be legitimate.

Suppose a woman after several years a marriage tires of her husband, a generally caring man and wants out of the marriage. She refuses all offers of marital therapy and chooses to take the husband's house and children, poisoning them against him in the process.

Yes, it is true that a GET should never be used as a weapon, but neither should a wife resort to such action, and unfortunately many do. While I normally agree that it is wrong to withhold a GET, I can understand that sometimes you need to fight fire with fire.


  1. I have a friend who gave a get early on after the couple separate, so as to do "the right thing".
    Before the civil divorce was finalized his ex remarried Jewishly but didn't register the ceremony with the State thus officially remaining unmarried. She then successfully gained spousal support for several months before registering her new marriage. So tell me my friend did the right thing.
    The bottom line: people should act responsibly to minimize bitterness and lawyer bills. Irresponsible actions aren't limited to whether or not a get is given promptly.

  2. In war the first casualty is the truth, Same holds true in so many of these "He said...She said" wars. While there's plenty of blame to go around, and the whole crisis bespeaks a pan-societal selfishness, me -first attitude and callous disregard for the children I still think the onus falls on the husbands more than the wives.
    A. because we find that משום עיגונא אקילו ביה רבנן we never find that משום ממונא אקילו ביה רבנן
    B. The havdala conscious believe in male superiority, we ought to expect more rational, less vindictive behavior from the men
    C. When a Kesuva is lost we run out immediately and write a new one. It's ossur to live together without one. IMHuO the igun shenanigans perpetrated by men make a mockery of the obligations men take on when they give their wives kesuvos. Not so the womens post-seperationl bad behavior.

    which 2+ year agunah today wouldn't be thrilled to be completely moichel her post-get kesuva payment if that would get her ex to agree to give her a get? this being the case its as if ALL of us are living without kesuvos! שומו שמים !

    1. Correct, there are 2 sides to every story. That is why there can't be a blanket unconditional giving of a GET in every case.



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